Tomáš Halík

"So I spent the whole night preparing the text, saying, 'At this moment I and the entire Catholic Church stand on the side of the nation.' Mr. Cardinal actually read it, added a few words to it, and when I heard it - these words that I had written over and over again the night before, and really on my knees, and now I heard it, and of course I was in the cathedral, I had this feeling - well, now something has happened, now a terrible wall is coming down between the nation and the Catholic Church. This thing that was here, it's now coming down, now it's just a new chapter of history, a new chapter of relationships, now something great is happening. The crowd then spilled out of the cathedral into Letná. There was the biggest demonstration, during which Zvěřina spoke and so on. And there was the famous appearance of Václav Malý, who was there as the moderator of these demonstrations, where there was a dramatic moment when one of the policemen who had beaten the students came to ask for forgiveness. As he appeared, the crowd roared..., those were the moments! The crowd - the revolution, some pretty terrible things could have happened there. And into it, Václav Malý says, 'Now let's look at the cathedral and pray the Our Father Prayer, with emphasis on the words: forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.' Then I saw it again in the footage as it was running, the camera. And the people were remembering the Our Father, because a lot of people suddenly somehow heard it sometimes... It was terribly moving, and I suddenly realized - so something is happening here! Now the revolution is taking on a spiritual dimension. Now it's not just a political thing anymore, now with the words of Tomášek and the words of Václav Malý and the prayer it takes on a completely spiritual dimension. Here is the hand of God at work, it is no longer just a political matter. And there I had a feeling - yes, now the history will be written again and differently. But then Václav Malý was criticized from two sides. From the atheists, like, 'Well, now we're going to pray, at these political rallies...?!' And from the Catholics: 'After all, prayer belongs in church, not at a rally...' I think that what Václav Malý did there was a historic spiritual feat."

"And during this time there was the death mask of Palach, which was made by Olbram Zoubek. And I carried it back and forth. And I remember I was walking on the Charles Bridge at night, it was snowing, and I had it on my heart, the mask of Palach, and I had an inner conversation with Palach. Now I thought: 'Well, this guy actually sacrificed his life so that we wouldn't fuck up. That he left that letter behind, that he's torch number one, and then there will be others. There were heated debates back then. Some Catholics said, 'No, that's suicide, that's a sin!' And I was already arguing then with that quote from Chesterton, that suicidal is the one who despises life, and the martyr is the one who despises death. He didn't reject the gift of life, but for him there was something more than that biological existence - that was to awaken people's consciences. And so I thought, well, but now all of us, at least all of us who have understood the meaning of his sacrifice, are in that position of that torch number two. We have to somehow respond to this gift of life of his. And that response is probably not going to be to go and set myself on fire. And I can't just live this life as if I'm going to have a family, a career, a car, and so on. So I put myself there, and I actually made several such promises to Palach. That I wouldn't be crooked, that I would never collaborate, even if it cost me a lot, and that I would also give all my strength for what he wanted, so that the nation wouldn't be internally corrupted. And I think that was such an important next step on that road to the priesthood. That's where, yes, I knew I was giving my life in some way, that's where I'm burning those bridges, that's where I'm giving up a lot of things, but it can be of some benefit."

"The interrogations made for a very interesting psychological and moral experience. I was not tortured, and I even had the feeling that I was respected by some of them because I kept my ground. I always talked to them politely and reasonably. They disclosed to me that they had searched for something in my life that they could discredit me with, but found nothing. Still, they tried to buy me over or intimidate me. This was a very important experience, because one had the feeling that he was in kind of a roentgen which identifies ones weak spots, and what one desires... ´Surely you would like to lecture again, we could arrange that´; ´Surely you would like to travel again, no problem, sign here´; or ´You know, you have an old mother, if you couldn't take care of her, that would be tough.´ So, one realizes what his desires, dreams, and fears are. It was great training for what can be called 'an inner freedom'."

Around Christmas 1968, a letter came from one of my acquaintances, Dr. Neradová, who was also very active in the catholic intellectual movement during the Prague Spring. She wrote: 'You know there are still possibilities here, but the leading figures of the student and catholic movement are not here. They are gone--emigrated--and I think, you should come back'. I told myself I would be a fool, having such great opportunities here. But suddenly, when I was putting the letter down, I told myself: 'Is that really it? Am I living in this world to have a good time, or is there a mission for me? Should I live in a place where I feel good, or where I feel needed?' So, I prayed the whole night, and then I replied that I was coming back. And so I did, before New Year´s Eve in 1968. But there was still a backdoor: clauses in the regulations made it quite easy to prolong our passports with by the Czechoslovak Embassy. In January 1969, the pubs in Prague we full of students who were in the same situation as I was: they could also go back to the West. We discussed all night long whether to stay or not. At this time I was participating in spiritual exercises lead by father Reinsberg at the Archbishop Palace. At this time, I was participating in spiritual exercises lead by father Reinsberg at the Archbishop Palace. On the last day of these exercises, a message came that Jan Palach had burnt to death. Shortly thereafter, another message leaked that he had left a letter behind which was signed, 'Torch No. 1'. Then I told myself that we were, in fact, all 'Torch No. 2'. This act, when a man takes his life because he values the nation´s character more than his own life, and to die in such a terrible way so as to awake the nation´s consciousness, is obliging to us. What should I do? In my case, it would probably not be death, but some kind of meaningful life. And at this moment I started my own personal war against communism.

There (at the Catholic convention in Velehrad, 14-15 May 1968), I saw for the first time all friaries in their clothes. Before that, on an April night in 1950, all monks were transported to concentration work camps, to divisions of PTP (criminal command), or put in jail. But one convent survived these raids: the Convent in Hájek, where – as the story goes – lived an old Franciscan, who, for ascetic reasons, slept in a coffin. So, when the police came with dogs and machine riffles, he sat up in his coffin and asked: 'What´s up?' They left the convent as fast as they could. That was the only convent left alone, but only for 24 hours, because the next day they came back and took everything including the 'dead'.

I had the opportunity, as well as 11,000 other Czechoslovaks, to go to Rome for the canonisation of St. Agnes of Bohemia in November, 1989. I sent a letter to the Pope through the exiled bishop, Škarvada, in which I asked for an interview. The answer was positive and so we (me and bishop Škarvada) were invited to talk with the Pope for an hour and a half. This was one day before the fall of the Berlin Wall and the Pope told us: „Ta komuna se rozvali.“ Communism will fall, be ready. I disagreed with him, but he insisted: "It will be soon, be ready." And so it happend.

“Charter 77 was quite a test for me; it spoke to my heart, and I was deeply connected with the people who signed it. So of course, I wanted to sign as well. But it was one year before my secret ordination as a Catholic priest and at that time, the leaders of our group told me: 'Make a choice, you cannot do both. As soon as you sign the Charter you will be exposed to police prosecution and you may endanger the existence of the whole network.' After a long period of soul searching, I decided to choose the Priest’s career. This fact - that I did not sign the Charter - I could not explain to my dissident friends for a long time. It was the same awkward secret that I could not explain to my mother why I was not getting married. "